little craft supply bundle arrive today , specially curate and package as slow stitch supply kit . to be honest , actually kind of get happy tears ! just feel very sweet and special , seller tie up and position things so delicately . wish think to take picture before unwrap everything , oops . will feel kind of hard to use some of these things , as is crafter eternal struggle , but also can not wait to make pretty stuff .

feel like special princess ~

kossai struggle with movies and TV , and not always sure why . but tonight mood strike , and finally sit down to watch ... nimona .
remember when people would talk about how celeste destroy emotions and leave in teary wreck , but kossai did not get that . wonderful game , but in some ways just did not click with madeline's problems like others did .

nimona though ... do kossai recognise that in stories like rusted moss and nimona , nonhumanity intend as allegory ? yes . but just by nature of kossai as physical nonhuman , those aspects feel very literal , and speak to core on that level .

absolute wreck now . need crossover hangout sesh with nimona and fern , stat .

in think about my little pony connections , would probably suspect changelings ! um ... sort of ... and sort of not .

love general concepts , right up until thorax happen . like thorax is this special visionary , where changelings can just share love and be fine - no , better than fine ! just kind of hate that . like yes tyrannical queen and hivemind , whatever , but even show characterise during this episode that changelings all born inherently mean and spitty , and thorax was just super special exception . this kind of make weird later that not only do other changelings immediately cave when thorax demonstrate new form , but why no one before thorax seem to have this capability and yet now suddenly everyone do .

there is definitely stuff to criticise about concepts of hivemind vs individuality , and how lines can be blurry and weird and maybe not always useful to pit against one another , but others probably say that better .

so will instead turn attention to this idea that no one will love changelings unless look and behave just like ponies , which is problem when biologically need to feed off of love . have ability to shapeshift , but this is seen as cheat , thievery , and deception , which means methods to get there must be underhand - first characterise as evil just for biological needs , then force changelings to prove this perception right out of starvation and desperation . therefore , " reward " for selfless changelings who share love freely ... is to look and behave just like ponies . not for ponies to look at these weird buggy guys and extend hoof first , no ! changelings must change for ponies , in every scenario here - difference is just whether or not ponies consider to be evil .

also , visually think some of these guys suck . like understand in cartoon for kids will need named characters to be recognisable and merchandisable , but like , kind of ick ? especially colour palettes . absolutely can still make designs more in line with originals that look fun and unique , but guess not cute enough for toys or whatever , even if let changelings be different colours than just black . would much prefer if these new designs would be intentional disguises - something that changelings feel still need to take on in order to gain pony acceptance , but ultimately take toll on feelings because acceptance is conditional . ponies would come to realise how much this actually hurt and make efforts to get over discomfort .

that is version of changelings which kossai connect with . do like that thorax is able to form bonds and feed in moderation because of bonds , but think weird to be some first of kind visionary - changeling inability to form bonds should not be because of biology and apparent hivemind structure , but because ponies make assumptions because of these things . would also much prefer if metamorphosis was not this innate biological reward - changelings should get to look like changelings , and act like changelings , without ponies determine which is good and which is evil , which is ugly and which is pretty .

gee , wonder why faeries would think that . :P

good news , was able to reorganise sewing shelf and get some of those things more in line with each other !
... bad news , this come at cost of paper half-shelf , no longer any good place to put this bag of paper strips which plan to maybe eventually some day use for paper mache possibly perhaps eh . genuinely would love to , have projects that sorely need to finish , just unfortunately pain and time get in way .

might have to see if able to fudge contents from one of these sewing boxes somewhere else , and use that box for paper strips . which is hilarious and ironic , whole point of this mission was to try and separate these shelves better , and yet just not enough room for current amount of material ( which is not much ) to make that possible ... unless finally say goodbye to trash collector .

kossai very much enthusiast of reuse everything for something , see - consider reuse to be important aspect of appreciation , arts , and animism . yarn scraps and fabric crumbs get to be filler for projects , or collage decoration and pouches if big enough . clean plastic and paper trash is filler for paper mache projects , and paper strips also go towards those projects . but with how infrequently kossai can do these , maybe time to part ... bah .

maybe will try to put trash collector somewhere else for now , and think about actual choice another time .

crosspost from tumblr .
kossai do not really like to go on about opinions and concerns about rad-queers and trans-ids - simple fact is that have reasons to dislike and be wary , and make choice to block active community blogs which come into radar , and usually just leave at that .

but honestly do feel sorry for good amount of these folks - can see ways in which struggle , ways which try to cope . atypical dysphorias can be very real frustrations and not easy to deal with , not to mention how folks under stress and trauma might want to seek out more due to familiarity , to recontextualise and make trauma feel safe , or have revenge fantasies to enact on others .

and with all of that , often have genuine worry ? so many of these folks teens who already starve of proper social skills and affections , and some of behaviours which these communities encourage will further stunt - whether that is to ignore criticisms of behaviours and bigotry , to seek out " perfect match " in someone who will happily bully and abuse , or really any number of possibilities .

as well , some of these folks get so personal , and that is extremely hard to take back control . cliche as this is , this is why kossai recommend others go to private journals and documents before anything that touch internet - even if something is behind password , assume anything on internet to effectively be public . never know when data breaches or account hacks might strike .
and fact is that , unfortunately , live in world where people can use that information to bite back and hurt - whether deny future school or job opportunities , or cyberstalk and harass for personal entertainment .

there is also so much vitriol for rad-queers , often under assumption of just seek attention , not really try to observe or understand anyone in depth . so even those who want to leave might feel stuck , unable to find new friend groups and communities that will not reject specifically due to social shortcomings and unsavoury community history . that leave prime to either re-entry into these spaces , or other horrible communities and outright cults .

wish there could be any one , easy answer . but this is life - there never is . that said though , think vitriol is definitely not part of answer - still free to dislike and be wary , kossai would be hypocritical to say otherwise ! but try to dig in and understand why , and to be safe for those who really want to leave , relearn lost skills and become mindful of boundaries again . not everyone will , but be kind for those who do .

so ... while faeriehood is and always was certainty , did also have 2 little phases that attempt to explain uncertain things . ( and to be clear , say phases with love here ! )

those would be vampire and mermaid . neither one really part of identity and experience these days - attempts to justify things that did not yet understand to be faerie , as well as to shield from frustrations of life . faeriehood is definite truth , but briefly wear blankets of vampirehood and mermaidhood , in physical ways as well .

some of these memories can be hard to look back on , but worth actually acknowledge .